Wallpaper 98: Corolla at Dawn

Okay, it’s just an old Toyota; but it makes a nice piccie nonetheless. Well it was better than the shots I was trying to get at the time.

corolla at dawn

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Earplugs Aftermath (part 2)

Time was moving apace, and soon the hour arrived when the huge  green doors of the Museum of Future Technology would be thrown open to a paying public.

But the first arrivals would require neither money nor a debit card, because they were the saviours of the museum – Rudi, Miles, Chester, Valentine, and Magnuss, a.k.a The Earplug Brothers…

earplugs arrive at new entrance

They were surprised to be confronted by what appeared to be two construction workers and a very jealous-looking Sentinel robot.

“Whadda ya think of the new entrance?” One of the construction workers inquired.

Rudi spoke his mind:

“Lovely.” He said. “But where’s the Robot Ticket Collector?”

“This is the Robot Ticket Collector.” The second construction worker explained. “The original had it’s hat knocked off and his memory chip scrambled. So we extracted it’s cybernetic brain and shoved it inside a dead Sentinel robot. It’s great – isn’t it?”

“So it’s still the same Robot Ticket Collector inside?” Magnuss asked nervously.

The answer came from the Robot Ticket Collector itself:

“If you haven’t got a ticket, or the money to buy one, you can piss off.” It said.

“We don’t need either.” Valentine announced. “We have life-time passes.”

“Yeah?” Said a dubious Robot Ticket Collector. “Prove it.”


earplugs put on cossack hats

…the Earplugs whipped out their cossack hats, and in an instant their identity was acknowledged.

“Darlings,” the Robot Ticket Collector squealed, “come inside before the chill air shrivels  your delicate scrotums dreadfully!”

So without further ado…

earplugs enter new entrance

…the brothers proceeded into the museum.

Meanwhile the maintenance crew…

maintenance screen 3

…were surveying the museum for damage, when a nasty red light began winking.

A minute or two later…

maintenance on power plant

…Rikki and Charles were checking a hesitant power generator.

“We can’t see a fucking thing up here.” Rikki told Charles. “Well have to…”

maintenance looking in power plant

…get much closer.”

“I don’t like it here.” Charles informed his work-mate. “This is where Valentine got out his vast willy and shorted out the power supply.”

“Are you sure?” Queried Rikki.

The answer came from the mouth of their colleague, Wolfgang…

maintenance in flooded area

“He’s right”. Wolfgang called. “The heat exchanger is still ankle-deep in his piss. Wow, what a guy: his bladder must be super – earplugish!”

Whilst all this sensationalism was occurring, Wonky the android had stopped off for a quick battery re-charge…

wonky rests

But before the cycle could complete he was woken by a lot of noise next door…

discover regeneration 2

…where he discovered the Turquoise Sky Surfer Pilot and Android watching the operation of the almost legendary Android Regeneration Booth.

“Only superior androids of mechanical construction use regeneration booths.” Pilot informed Android.

“What would happen if one of us biological androids used one?” Android inquired.

cover off reneration

“I’d hate to imagine.” Pilot replied as the cover of the futuristic device dissipated into thin air.


silver androids

…the superior androids animated.

“Yuk,”  one said to the other, “turquoise: what a foul, disgusting colour for a super-soldier.”

“Yes, Dear,” the other replied, “Silver examples, like what we are, are so much more aesthetically pleasing.”

android scared of silver androids

And as they lowered themselves to the floor, Android decided to leave the superior androids to themselves. But Wonky rushed forward in the hope that he could be made more presentable by their advanced machinery.

Oh poor Wonky: you just know his expectations are going to meet with disappointment. Visit part 3 to find out what happened next.

© Tooty Nolan



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Portrait Gallery 21: Blackberries

Photographing blackberries is so much less painful than picking them – though considerably less tasty of course.

portrait of blackberries

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Earplug Aftermath (part 1)

It was the morning after the night before, and two members of the new maintenance crew were on their way to work at the Museum of Future Technology. Their names were Charles and Rikki; and that all they knew of the alien attack was what they’d heard on the news.

charles & rikki on travellator

“I’m really looking forward to getting down and dirty today.” Rikki informed Charles as they rolled along the travellator past the wood yard. “I know the museum is fully automated and can usually repair itself, but it was never designed to self-repair following an attack from outer space.”

Charles was in full agreement – except about the bit that concerned getting dirty and the possibility of physical labour.

“Fuck me, yeah!” He replied; but he didn’t really mean it.

Soon they’d met up with the third member of their crew, Wolfgang; and now proceeded across the moat…

plugs on walkway

… and settled themselves down at their workstation…

maintenance screen 1

…where they proceeded to check the correct functioning of the museum’s systems.

Soon though it was proved that Rikki’s theory had been correct, and before long…

maintenance and blocked drain

…they were required to unblock a very important hole that…

gripping the rope

…involved Rikki lowering Charles upon a rope, where he…

on to sponge

…could dislodge the underlying problem by landing his body weight upon it several times over.


maintenance find ruined incubator

…they discovered that Horst and Greta Stenchlinger’s incubator had been wrecked, and…

maintenance find dead slime monster

…the cadaver of the would-be slime monster was found lying amongst the detritus of the old museum’s remains.

Meanwhile at the recently rebuilt entrance…

new robot ticket collector

Who are these characters? Is that really the entrance to the museum? These questions will be answered in the very next episode.

© Tooty Nolan


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By a Remarkable Coincidence…

…the Ear Plugs Day Out series lasted seventy-nine episodes – exactly the same number of episodes as the legendary sci-fi series, Star Trek. Does that make the Ear Plugs Day Out legendary? Probably; and like a good wine I hope we’ll see it mature nicely with time. But fear not, Ear Plug fans, unlike Star Trek, there is a sequel for which you won’t have to wait two decades.

earplugs hero finale

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The Ear Plugs Day Out (part 79)

Celebrations continued through to dusk, but eventually it was time for earplugs to make their separate ways – some for the comfort of sleep, and some to discuss the events of the day on a purely personal level.

Earplugs like the former zombies and their transvestite girlfriends…

v,b,c,&m in arboretum

…took themselves off to the arboretum for a stroll through the decimated forest.

“Its still quite nice here.” Vic opined.

“Though not quite so many plants.” Bob observed.

“There’s still enough foliage to allow us to run naked without anyone seeing us.” Mandy said eagerly.

“Ah, no thanks very much and all that,” Vic responded as gently as he could, “but I have no wish to watch your meat and two veg bobble from side to side like an excited glove-puppet. I may be a former zombie, but I’m still heterosexual!”

Naturally the ‘girls’ were disappointed because there was nothing they would have enjoyed more than to watch Vic and Bob’s meat and two veg bobble from side to side like excited glove-puppets.

By coincidence, the shuffling dead had also arrived in the arboretum. They’d been joined by the androids…

and, zoms, twat in arboretum

But what neither group knew was that agents of T.W.A.T were hiding amongst the foliage.

“It’s not much fun – being an outcast I mean.” Raj said to Android as they strolled past several unexploded alien bombs. “Even in a nice place like a decimated arboretum.”

“I know exactly what you mean.” Android replied. “But at least you’re not being hunted like defenceless prey, like what I am.”

It was at this point that Major Flaccid cleared his throat rather loudly amongst the foliage, and said:

“About that. Um, what with all your help fighting off the aliens and stuff, it’s been decided that from henceforth all androids are granted citizenship of the Museum of Future Technology. So you don’t need to feel like hunted prey any more.”

Android was too excited to speak; so Wonky did it for him:

“Major Flaccid,” he announced, “if I had soft lips I would kiss you – probably on the bottom.”

Major Flaccid coloured beneath his facial camouflage.

“Well that’s very kind of you.” He replied. No one has ever considered kissing my bottom before. Just how hard are your lips actually?”


avatar farewell

…the Avatar was making its farewell to The Earplug Brothers and Los Tapones de España.

“I’ll be keeping an eye open upon the Museum of Future Technology.” She told them. “But for now I feel secure leaving the place in your hands.”

She followed this with several banal platitudes, before…

avatar disappears

…being reabsorbed by the Museum floor.

Well after that there wasn’t a whole lot to say, so the Earplugs and Tapones chirpily went their separate ways, safe in the knowledge that they were all bona fide heroes.

As they passed the wood yard on the travellator home Rudi was reminded of their arrival at the Museum.

rudi & val returning home

“Well that was a lot more fun than I expected it to be.” He said.

“I can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow.” Valentine replied.

But if either Earplug had been aware…

novsb 002

…that whilst they returned home for their dinner, in one of the darker recesses of the Museum a vengeful Sentinel robot lurked and planned evil stuff, they might have felt  just a little trepidation. In fact they might well have pooped in their pants!

The End (for now)

© Tooty Nolan

Script, photography, set building, model making, and all that other crap you see before you, courtesy of Paul Trevor Nolan


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Wallpaper 97: Hatched Nuts

hatched nuts

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