Before he and Hair-Trigger Provost departed the secret end cap enclave hidden inside Eyewash Station, Magnuss was given some advice by the Knights of Your…
“If all else fails, you may need a refuge into which you can escape; lick your wounds – both metaphorical and actual; and plan your next move. Might we suggest that you seek out the Winter Warrior and his sidekick, Kalvin Kommando. They live in the frozen out land exhibit of Fort Winter!”
Both Magnuss and Hair-Trigger recalled the two aforementioned earplugs from their previous adventure, and knew them to be honest, upstanding, and most helpful earplugs.
“Yeah, okay.” Magnuss replied.
Then they were gone – soon to find themselves in yet another desert-like environment with yet another defensible outpost supplying the only architecture.
“For fuck’s sake,” Magnuss bellowed with rage and boredom, “if I ever see another pile of yellow stones purporting to be an actual fortress in which one could find protection from one’s enemies, I’ll kick the fucker to pieces.”
“Yes,” Hair-Trigger agreed, “it makes my teeth gnash too.”
But before the young couple could work themselves into a lather, they were free of the desert, and into the badlands of eternal cold…
“Erk.” Magnuss spoke through his nervous rectum.
“This place is both cold and intimidating.” His mouth said. “Do you reckon it’s Fort Winter?”
Then they heard some strange squelching sounds emanating from inside the large building that faced them.
“Sound familar?” Magnuss said cheerily to Hair-Trigger.
Hair-Trigger also recognised the sound.
“Did anyone mention whether the Winter Warrior was a practising homosexual?” She asked.
She then added by way of explanation for the question:
“I’d hate to walk in and find Kalvin Kommando with his huge sturdy arse in the air.”
But she needn’t have worried because…
“Cooie.” Vanilla Redbush called down from a high window. “Are you swingers? We do like to mix and match in Fort Winter: there’s not a lot else to do except throw the occasional snowball or freeze our tits off.”
Before Magnuss could author a meaningful response…
…his attention was gained by the Winter Warrior himself, who stood beside the other Redbush sister, Cinnamon, on the main steps that led into the mighty fortress.
“Welcome.” He called. “We’ve just exhausted ourselves by having high-risk sexual intercourse whilst hanging from the chandeliers, and now we’re going to make some cheese on toast. Do you fancy some?”
Can Magnuss possibly refuse such an offer? Come back next time to find out.
© Tooty Nolan