3D Farting, it seemed, had brought both joy and success to Vic and Candy, but Rudi, Yu Wah, and Android were in a vastly less enviable position…
“Oh, by the rough, annoying stitching in my gussets – what’s that?” Yu Wah screamed as…
…the ground moved, and something turquoise began to appear.
“It’s me.” Android squealed like a little female. “Or at least something very similar!”
And indeed it was – VERY similar…
“Hello, I’m Wonky.” The emergent Android said as it turned to greet the three lost souls. “Wonky by name; wonky by nature; and quite possibly wonky by design. How can I help you?”
“Do you know the way out of here?” Yu Wah asked.
“We’re trying to find our way back to the Museum of Future Technology.” Rudi added for clarification.
“If I knew the way back to the Museum, do you really think I’d be lying around in a pile of gravel?” Wonky replied. “Are you suffering from oxygen deprivation, or something?”
Then something happened. It was almost as if Wonky could hear some sort of siren song that eluded the other’s auditory capabilities.
“On the other hand…” it said chirpilly, “follow me.”
Android wasn’t sure that he trusted the new-comer. He knew from experience how dodgy damaged or faulty super-soldiers could be. They could lie. They could cheat. They could urinate up your leg when you weren’t looking; and Wonky looked decidedly ‘wonky’ to Android. Nevertheless, with no other hope of salvation, he joined Rudi and Yu Wah as they trailed in his wake.
Then Wonky did what none of them expected: he disappeared around a corner. A split second later…
“I was afraid of this.” Android said to his startled chums. “We’re trapped in a layer of air between impregnable force fields.”
And Rudi said, “That’s bad. That’s very bad. I wanna have a shit, and I wanna have it now!”
Moments later the force field seemed to take on physical form.
It became a mesh through which they could all breathe.
“Great.” Said Rudi. “Or it would be if all I wanted was a piss. But I wanna have a shit!”
As if upon command – or more accurately ‘upon a command’ – the mesh dissipated into nothingness…
…and the threesome were greeted with the sight of the strangest creature that any of them had ever seen – or imagined for that matter. It appeared to be sheltering behind it’s own personal force field defensive screen cupola.
“The toilet’s behind the third door on the left.” It said.
“Thanks.” Rudi said hurriedly, and quickly made his escape.
A few minutes later he returned – a new ear plug it seemed.
“Ah, that feels so good.” He said. “Now I’m ready for anything.”
As if on cue the strange creature dropped its defensive screen.
“So,” it said, “what brings you three here?”
“Wonky.” Yu Wah replied.
“Don’t be so fucking pedantic.” The creature snapped. “I sent him to fetch you. I mean – what are you doing wandering around an abandoned museum?”
“Oh you poor bastards.” The creature responded. “That makes me feel almost as shitty as my toilet. You did wipe away any smears, I hope?”
Rudi nodded affirmatively.
“Good,” the creature almost smiled as it spoke, “because I can’t abide dirty-bastard slaves.”
“Slaves?” Yu Wah’s scream pierced the air.
“Did I say that I was ready for anything?” Rudi inquired of no one in particular. “I lied: I’m not ready for that.”
Meanwhile Magnuss had greeted his Auntie Doris, and now took her to try a hover mat for size…
“Oh this is fun.” She called above the hum of the anti-gravity generators as the two ear plugs were lifted from the floor. “Let’s go higher.”
So they did.
Magnuss considered himself as something of an ‘old hand’ at flying, so he didn’t go “Wheeee!” as the hover mats lifted the two of them to new heights. But Doris did.
“Right,” she called after recovering her composure, “let’s race along at speed past the Advanced Technology First Aid Tent. I’m in the mood for scaring a few nurses!”
So they did that too. And it almost ended in tragedy!
What could possibly go wrong with a high-speed fly past of an advanced technology first aid tent. Find out by tuning into episode 53!
© Tooty Nolan