The Ear Plugs Day Out (part 57)

So now the successful entry into the Museum of Future Technology by Los Tapones De España hinged upon Dexter’s next utterance…

“I want to see a little yellow female of indeterminate age named Doris present a bundle of Amber Shards upon a stylish pedestal made of some obsidian-coloured material.” He announced, and had no idea why he said it.

As he did so he fancied he could actually see the scene he’d just described.

doris pedestal shards

“Who is this female?” He asked his inner self. “How has she entered my beach-bum consciousness?”

But he had no time to conjecture further because the Robot Ticket Collector said:

Muy bien: you may enter!”

So a few seconds later the five sun-lovers had entered the artificially illuminated museum.

tapones interrgated 1f

“Come on, boys,” Dexter urged the others, “it’s not like we suffer claustrophobia. Loosen up. relax. Let’s go check this place out!”

So they did…

pong invites tapones

…by visiting Mr Pong’s Exotic Food restaurant for a cafe con leche and a slice of tortilla. Then they checked out some of  what they’d missed by arriving too late in the day by watching a resumé in a small cinema near the entrance.

tapones watch urinal scene

They watched as Magnuss was unfairly arrested for not misusing the futuristic urinal. They also watched as…

tapones watch ufo scene

…EvilRoboSecGua’s UFO arrived; and Magnuss’s subsequent use of the space buggy that it carried in its hold…

tapones watch space buggy scene

Remaining on the same subject they witnessed the discovery of the secret hangar by Rudi and Valentine…

tapones watch hangar scene

As well as the earplug’s ride in the effervescent waters of the green river…

tapones watch frothy water scene

And they were particularly impressed by the earplug’s courageous evacuation of Eyewash Station immediately prior to its self-destruct mechanism activating successfully.

tapones watch eyewash scene

But whilst the new boys were watching the antics of earlier, one of the ‘old boys’ was attempting to regain his freedom…

rudi shows cloak

“This is Wank the Space Wanderer’s Cloak of Invincibility. ” Rudi informed Yu Wah, Android and Wonky. “It renders its wearer invisible. The only reason that its not known as a Cloak of Invisibility is because someone else owns the copyright on that label.”

 “Who said that?” Yu Wah inquired.“Where are you? Stop talking from thin air: I’m frightened.”

Any potential explanation of Rudi’s was interrupted by the arrival of their captor and slave owner – Big Mouth, or ‘Gobby’, as he was now known.

gobby announces  farting exhibition

“Boys, Girls, and things – I have some good news and some bad news.” The strange being said. “I’ve just seen a broadcast on the Museum’s internal television network: apparently there’s to be an exhibition in the grand hall this evening.”

Rudi didn’t enjoy being a slave, even if he didn’t have to actually do anything slave-like: just being one was bad enough. Consequently his response wasn’t particularly pleasant:

“Don’t tell me: they’re going to hang you up by your bollocks from the basketball hoop.”

Gooby should have taken umbrage, but he was too excited to notice Rudi’s slur.

“No – there’s going to be an exhibition of real-time, live, three-dee farting – and I can’t go!”

“Why not?” Yu Wah inquired reasonably enough.

“Because I’m one of a kind.” Gobby replied. “When people see me they’ll stop watching the farting, and start pointing at me, and possibly poke me with sharp implements. It will be unbearable.”

“I sense that there’s more to this good news / bad news shit.” Rudi stated.

Gobby looked down his considerable gob at Rudi, and said:

“Your senses have not failed you, ear plug. You see I’m so excited about witnessing some real wind-breaking that I’m willing to set you all free if…if…you can get me to the grand hall without anyone actually seeing me or being aware of my presence.”

“Can I have that in writing?” Rudi asked.

Two minutes later…

oct22a 022

“You mean – you really can’t see me?” Gobby squealed with delight.

“Check yourself out in the mirror.” Rudi instructed him. “There’s one in the toilet. You might want to clean it first though: I was feeling slightly dejected about slavery, and, well…you know how it is…”

“You smeared excrement all over it, didn’t you?” Gobby sighed.

“Or you could just take our word for it that you’re invisible.” Yu Wah suggested.

But Gobby didn’t take Yu Wah’s word for it. Instead he stared into her beady, rather unattractive eyes. Not only did he see honesty reflected in them; but he also failed to see himself reflected too.

“We slap my privates!” He yelled excitedly. “You’re telling the truth. This is wonderful. Let’s all share a celebration pork luncheon meat sandwich!”

Meanwhile…

ear plug art

…Los Tapones De España were taking in the delights of futuristic ear plug art.

“Oh it’s lovely.” Tito opined. “But why has it got just the one eye?”

“The other one was poked out with a sharp stick.” Carlos answered expertly.

But despite the undoubted skills of the ear plug artists they quickly tired of the strange alien art, and became very aware of the closeness of the walls and the ceiling’s lack of height. So…

tapones claustrophobic

…they decided to get out before panic set in – where upon they encountered their first SubRoboSecGua!

Oh dear, not a brush with the law so soon, surely. See what happens by revisiting – preferably for episode 58.

© Tooty Nolan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Bad Company Caption

testicle

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Wallpaper 88: The Duck Upon a Temporary Pond

A storm blew down an ancient beech tree.The incessant rain that followed inundated the ground, and for several weeks waterfowl of many species enjoyed the temporary pond.

duck on a temporary pond

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These Ear Plugs Are a Pain in the Arse

I say that because my enthusiasm for photographing them, and then creating the stories that go with them, exceeds my enthusiasm for the ‘tart up’ I’m supposed to be doing on the soon-to-be-released re-published ‘Present Imperfect’ in my real name – that being Paul Trevor Nolan – rather than the current Clive Thunderbolt. So, in an attempt to get my arse back into gear, here’s a segment from the completed portion…
Wozniak wandered until he reached the extremity of the orchard at its highest point. Looking back down the gentle slope towards The Peaks he tried to get his thoughts into some sort of order. But it was proving difficult. For the past hour he, Janice, Dave Collins, and Judith Crane had discussed the events of the previous night. They had found themselves no nearer an explanation at the end of it than they did at the beginning. He attempted some kind of summation. Last night (he began by speaking quietly to himself) he’d been certain beyond doubt that Janice had travelled into a parallel universe. It had all the hallmarks of a ‘crossing-over’ after all. How else could he have passed the hidden key to her? As Jan had said – time doesn’t work backwards. But he also knew, from experience, that what a person does in one reality has no effect on another: And if nothing else the effect this time had been astounding. It had altered history – if only on a very personal level. He’d even considered the possibility that the four of them were, even now, in an alternate continuum, and only believed that they were ‘home’ because of the close similarities. But even then it didn’t ring true because if Dave and Judith were telling it right – they never crossed over into another realm: They simply went back in time – separately – to emerge in the same place at the same time. And that smacked of divine intervention – a concept with which he would have no truck whatsoever, despite what he’d said to Janice upon the subject. Yet nothing else came close to fitting the bill. Someone fooling with LDD perfectly explained certain aspects of Jan’s escapade; but it explained nothing regarding the others. But that left only time-travel: And time-travel was impossible
He sighed at his mental defeat. Perhaps it was better if he didn’t try to explain it at all. Perhaps human beings weren’t supposed to know everything. Perhaps simple faith in some cosmic overseer had some basis after all. Wozniak simply didn’t know. He just understood that he should be grateful for how things transpired, which of course he was. Wallace had his parents: had always had his parents it seemed now. He was also slimmer, healthier, and apparently happier. And Dave and Judith were beginning life as an item – at least a decade too late perhaps – but an item nonetheless – and apparently ecstatic about it. And even Jan was now thinking of herself as a Causality Merchant in her own right. Things, he concluded, could have worked out a whole lot worse. Yet something still nagged at Wozniak. That ‘something’ was telling him that the game wasn’t over yet: that whatever the force that had caused the events of the previous night was still active. And maybe – like LDD – those events were mere by-products of some greater endeavour. He shuddered at the thought that more was yet to come.

© Paul Trevor Nolan

Tempted a little? If so you can wait for the ‘latest’ version, or purchase the e-book version of the original by Clive Thunderbolt just about anywhere that sells e-books. Check out the side bar book cover photos for some of the better known ones…present imperfect 2013 cover

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The Ear Plugs Day Out (part 56)

So now the successful entry into the Museum of Future Technology by Los Tapones De España hinged upon Dexter’s next utterance…

“I want to see a little yellow female of indeterminate age named Doris present a bundle of Amber Shards upon a stylish pedestal made of some obsidian-coloured material.” He announced, and had no idea why he said it.

As he did so he fancied he could actually see the scene he’d just described.

doris pedestal shards

“Who is this female?” He asked his inner self. “How has she entered my beach-bum consciousness?”

But he had no time to conjecture further because the Robot Ticket Collector said:

Muy bien: you may enter!”

So a few seconds later the five sun-lovers had entered the artificially illuminated museum.

tapones interrgated 1f

“Come on, boys,” Dexter urged the others, “it’s not like we suffer claustrophobia. Loosen up. relax. Let’s go check this place out!”

So they did…

pong invites tapones

…by visiting Mr Pong’s Exotic Food restaurant for a cafe con leche and a slice of tortilla. Then they checked out some of  what they’d missed by arriving too late in the day by watching a resumé in a small cinema near the entrance.

tapones watch urinal scene

They watched as Magnuss was unfairly arrested for not misusing the futuristic urinal. They also watched as…

tapones watch ufo scene

…EvilRoboSecGua’s UFO arrived; and Magnuss’s subsequent use of the space buggy that it carried in its hold…

tapones watch space buggy scene

Remaining on the same subject they witnessed the discovery of the secret hangar by Rudi and Valentine…

tapones watch hangar scene

As well as the earplug’s ride in the effervescent waters of the green river…

tapones watch frothy water scene

And they were particularly impressed by the earplug’s courageous evacuation of Eyewash Station immediately prior to its self-destruct mechanism activating successfully.

tapones watch eyewash scene

But whilst the new boys were watching the antics of earlier, one of the ‘old boys’ was attempting to regain his freedom…

rudi shows cloak

“This is Wank the Space Wanderer’s Cloak of Invincibility. ” Rudi informed Yu Wah, Android and Wonky. “It renders its wearer invisible. The only reason that its not known as a Cloak of Invisibility is because someone else owns the copyright on that label.”

 “Who said that?” Yu Wah inquired.“Where are you? Stop talking from thin air: I’m frightened.”

Any potential explanation of Rudi’s was interrupted by the arrival of their captor and slave owner – Big Mouth, or ‘Gobby’, as he was now known.

gobby announces  farting exhibition

“Boys, Girls, and things – I have some good news and some bad news.” The strange being said. “I’ve just seen a broadcast on the Museum’s internal television network: apparently there’s to be an exhibition in the grand hall this evening.”

Rudi didn’t enjoy being a slave, even if he didn’t have to actually do anything slave-like: just being one was bad enough. Consequently his response wasn’t particularly pleasant:

“Don’t tell me: they’re going to hang you up by your bollocks from the basketball hoop.”

Gobby should have taken umbrage, but he was too excited to notice Rudi’s slur.

“No – there’s going to be an exhibition of real-time, live, three-dee farting – and I can’t go!”

“Why not?” Yu Wah inquired reasonably enough.

“Because I’m one of a kind.” Gobby replied. “When people see me they’ll stop watching the farting, and start pointing at me, and possibly pike me with sharp implements. It will be unbearable.”

“I sense that there’s more to this good news / bad news shit.” Rudi stated.

Gobby looked down his considerable gob at Rudi, and said:

“Your senses have not failed you, ear plug. You see I’m so excited about witnessing some real wind-breaking that I’m willing to set you all free if…if…you can get me to the grand hall without anyone actually seeing me or being aware of my presence.”

“Can I have that in writing?” Rudi asked.

Two minutes later…

oct22a 022

“You mean – you really can’t see me?” Gobby squealed with delight.

“Check yourself out in the mirror.” Rudi instructed him. “There’s one in the toilet. You might want to clean it first though: I was feeling slightly dejected about slavery, and, well…you know how it is…”

“You smeared excrement all over it, didn’t you?” Gobby sighed.

“Or you could just take our word for it that you’re invisible.” Yu Wah suggested.

But Gobby didn’t take Yu Wah’s word for it. Instead he stared into her beady, rather unattractive eyes. Not only did he see honesty reflected in them; but he also failed to see himself reflected too.

“We slap my privates!” He yelled excitedly. “You’re telling the truth. This is wonderful. Let’s all share a celebration pork luncheon meat sandwich!”

Meanwhile…

ear plug art

…Los Tapones De España were taking in the delights of futuristic ear plug art.

“Oh it’s lovely.” Tito opined. “But why has it got just the one eye?”

“The other one was poked out with a sharp stick.” Carlos answered expertly.

But despite the undoubted skills of the ear plug artists they quickly tired of the strange alien art, and became very aware of the closeness of the walls and the ceiling’s lack of height. So…

tapones claustrophobic

…they decided to get out before panic set in – whereupon they encountered their first SubRoboSecGua!

Oh dear, not a brush with the law so soon, surely. See what happens by revisiting – preferably for episode 57.

© Tooty Nolan

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A Second Disgruntled Tony Curtiss Caption

telephone trousers

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The Ear Plugs Day Out (part 55)

Whilst the tapones were struggling to become imaginative, other stuff was happening within the Museum of Future Technology. Stuff like…

squashed

…pretty females having their faces temporarily rearranged in a futuristic ‘Squishy Tube’.

And…

BeFunky_null_5.jpg

Vic and Candy seeing each other in afterglow of sex…

BeFunky_null_4.jpg

…following their spectacular success at visible spectrum farting.

And…

ore train

…Raj, Mary, and Kevin – the three zombies in search of their friends, Vic and Bob – were still trying to make their way into the inhabited exhibition area. In desperation they’d clambered aboard an ore carrier that they hoped would take them past the security net that protected the super hi-tech facility.

“I may be a member of the shuffling dead,” Mary said as she struggled to maintain her balance in the mag-lev ore bogey, “but all this ore is playing havoc with my scabious buttocks!”

The others agreed, and were almost overjoyed when a huge sucky-thing plucked them from the ore carrier, and…

zombies ejected intohopper

…dropped them into a hopper.

They were even more almost overjoyed when…

zombies tipped from hopper

…a big scoop pitched them to the floor, which allowed them to make their bid for freedom.

Meanwhile Tito discovered that (under duress) he was capable of breaking out of his limited thought processes and trammelled mind, and was actually able to meet the Robot Ticket Collector’s demanding criteria.

“I’ve just thought of something I’d like to see in the Museum of Future Technology.” He said – much to the relief of his four friends.

photovoltaic

“I’d like to see a photovoltaic cell that produces power when the light shines out of self-important earplug’s arse holes.”

It was an inspired idea,and it fed the minds of Dexter, Dani, Enrique, and Carlos.

“Yeah,” the latter cried out, “I wanna see…

za[pped up the rear 2

…a prehensile cable that creeps up behind people, and gooses them with high voltage electricity.”

“I too have an idea.” Enrique said to the Robot Ticket Collector. “I would like to see…

climbingupbuilding

…funny sticky foot pads that will allow me to climb vertically up the side of glass buildings. And also…

cliumbed up buildiung

…walk back down again – without slipping, sliding, or having an accident in my trousers.”

“That’s nothing.” Dani said dismissively. “I wanna see a huge aluminium amphitheatre…

amphitheatre

…with no one in it but me!”

amphitheatre close up

Then all eyes turned to Dexter. For a moment he considered…

aluminiumwaves

…surfing upon waves of rotating louvres; but suddenly changed his mind because a stray thought entered his head that he was certain wasn’t his own.

“I’d like to see…

What? What does Dexter want to see? What is this strange stray thought? Check out the next episode to find out.

© Tooty Nolan

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