Whilst all this other stuff had been happening, Magnuss and Hair-Trigger had been accompanied into the arboretum at the foot of Big Fat Sandy Mountain by Sir Dodger Muir, where the retired actor decided to utilise the Old Age Pensioner’s pneumatic Transfer Conduit into the Museum of Future Technology proper…
“I was once known as a rather suave, handsome, action-hero type, but now the old knees are buckling, and my arthritic hips are well and truly buggered. Heavens, if I had tits they’d be hanging down ’round my willy.” Sir Dodger said as he stepped into the entrance venturi of the transfer conduit. “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to take a short cut. See you in the cafe on the main thoroughfare later.”
“Wait,” Magnuss called out, “can’t we come along with you?”
Sir Dodger put on one of his best sad expressions, and answered:
“No, sorry: young people like you are banned. Only poor old sods like me can use it. If you try to travel by Old Age Pensioner’s Transfer Conduit you’ll be arrested and sentenced to death by firing squad or something equally ghastly. It’s a harsh punishment, I know: but it’s the only deterrent some young hooligans understand. I hope you do too.”
Then he was gone – feet-first, at tremendous speed – in the direction of the museum.
“Arseholes.” Hair-Trigger said. “I was really looking forward to his fascinating tales from show business as we crossed the Wide Blue Yonder. His great skills as a raconteur is what earned him his knighthood you know. Well it was in our continuum: here he probably got it for being charming and disarming or something equally esoteric.”
“Great,” Magnuss complained as they set out upon the route march ahead of them, “now I suppose we’ll have to put up with the sound of silence to entertain us.”
But as they forged ahead and made it to the Woven Expanse…
…endorphins released into their brains by the physical activity of walking cheered them up no end, and had they not been in such an exposed position that drones and spy satellites could see them, they might have stopped to engage in a quick bout of hokey-pokey.
…they were glad that they hadn’t, because the Woven Expanse was fucking HUGE!
Meanwhile, in the proper reality…
…Mister Pong was discussing the sudden and unexpected loss of the Exotic Food Restaurant’s only customers, with his daughters, Yu-Wah and Wah-Hey.
“I’m confused.” Pong said – his mind befuddled. “What happened back there, exactly?”
“Well…” Yu-Wah began.
“Don’t say that!” Wah-Hey screamed. “That’s what Magnuss said immediately prior to that...thing appearing!”
Pong shuddered at the memory of peering down into the gravity well that had swallowed his guests.
“It’s no good,” Pong growled as he exited his restaurant, “this is so far beyond my sphere of expertise that it makes me feel like a complete dick: I need help. But where am I to find it?”
As if in answer to his question, this happened…
“Fuck me obliquely.” Pong exclaimed. “You’re the Angel With a Big Nose! What are you doing here?”
“I heard it through the grapevine that my lovely Magnuss has been spirited away by powers unknown.” Angel replied. “So…
…let’s go find him.”
Ah-ha, so someone’s on the case, huh? Maybe Magnuss might be saved sooner than later. probably not. Come back to see what happens next.
© Tooty Nolan